there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
