i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
