All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
