it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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