I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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