I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
