Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
