so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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