walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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