I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
