At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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