he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I smell stomach acid.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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