Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
