a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
