FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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