five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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