How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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