You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
