the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
