your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
