I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
