Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
