Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
