I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
