Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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