how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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