Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
