I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize