so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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