i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
