I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
