"it" just moved
we made out on top of his cat.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hippo gnu deer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
