I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize