summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
