Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize