just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
