he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
