walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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