Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
