Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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