just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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