before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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