STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize