Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
