Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
