respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
