he shaved USA in his pubs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
