he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
