I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
