last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
