I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
