I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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