Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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