why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
