Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
