there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
