actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
