this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
