New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
