Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
