Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
