What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
