It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize