a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
