The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
