just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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