Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize