Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
