why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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