I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
