So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
