I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
