i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
