At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
