Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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