Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
