Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
