i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize