At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
