Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
