she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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