i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
