he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize